I’ve been making notes for a collection of stories about weird things that happened in my career. Then, weirdly, I realized there have been a lot of cows in my career.
In one instance a hotel was discharging excess rainfall onto a farm. The farm owner explained to me, “cows don’t like wet feet.” Sitting in depositions with him, his lawyer made it my job to keep the client in his seat and to squeeze his leg if he gets “heated” with his responses. Eventually, the case settled and the cow got dry feet.
Then there was the case of siting the desalination plant. One of the water transfer pipelines would run through a cow pasture and, possibly, a pond with accumulated cow waste. Desalination plant opponents grabbed onto the pipeline project telling people they would be drinking water that had run through a filthy pond. The cows didn’t seem to care one way or another. The pipeline was moved, the opponents moved on and the desalination plant was built.
A wealthy Canadian wanted to convert a big ranch—30,000 acres—into a grassfed beef production facility. Every effort was made to provide the cows with a truly excellent life right up until they were walked into the slaughter facility. Opponents were concerned that runoff from the ranch would make its way to any of a number of springs—though the closest spring was miles away and the ecologists on the project designed methods and management to minimize any offsite impact. Forty percent of the land was to remain natural. Eventually, the ranch got permits and the cows began their idyllic life in the Florida countryside.
Then there was Cow Wow, an “all natural” fertilizer developed in Texas. It came in liquid and other forms…and you can still find it on Amazon. We designed that packaging. I’m thinking the woman we dealt with sold the company. Good for her. She was tired of people giving her S%$T.
Then, there was the time a client asked me to buy a cow for his company. It was a Friday afternoon when the call came through.
“Hey Honey, can you do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
“Every year my company supports 4H by buying a cow. Could you go over to the fair and do it for me?”
(Me, thinking)
“Honey?”
“I’m here.”
“Can you help me out?”
“I’m trying to figure out how I could get it to you. I don’t think it will fit in the backseat or trunk of my Mercedes….maybe I could tie it to the car and slow walk/drive it to your ranch?”
(Client laughing)
“Do you want a red one or a brown one or….”
(Client still laughing) “Never mind. I’ll figure something out.”